A Freak
by Queen Dork
Summary: Sometimes being a freak is a good thing. Sometimes it gains you the one thing you tend to be missing in your life. Anyway, hey, this is my first time posting anything. Angsty Rogue piece. PG-13 for possible future content.. enjoy


Untitled (evolutionverse)

Untitled (evolutionverse)

Author: ekd

Summary: Sometimes being a freak is a good thing. Sometimes it gains you the one thing you tend to be missing in your life.

Author's Note: One thing with this story is that you need to have an open mind. I think X-Men is amazing story, and not only through fan fiction but in the commercial world, different views of the story has been explored: the original comic (which has had many versions itself), the movie, and the television shows (the original and Evolution). This is a combination of all three, mainly Evolution and the Movie, but some characters and some characteristics have been taken into this in order to make it work, if you understand what I'm saying. Take it for what it is if you don't like it, fine, I accept that, but I'm telling you ahead of time. Have an open mind. Thanks. :)

Author's Note Pt. II: LoL.. Sorry. I wanted to make one more comment. The "he/him" is different from the other he (this is noted by putting the latter he in italics.) Thanks.. :) Btw.. feel free to review once you're done reading.

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For every kid who ever got picked last in gym class….

To every kid who never had a date to no school dance….

Every kid who's ever been called a freak…This is for you.

_—"Little Things"_ by Good Charlotte

I hated him. Everything about him made me want to wretch. His perfect hair, his perfect clothes, his perfect friends, his perfect car, and perfect body. Yet I couldn't take my eyes off him. I hated the fact that I couldn't take my eyes off of him, and it made me hate him even more. Then there was her. I hated her even more. She was perfect just like him, never once had she done wrong or looked bad. They were perfect together, and that was the thing I hated most about both of them combined. He'd give me disapproving glances, and she'd look at me in pity. Oh, poor Rogue. She's just so misunderstood. Maybe if she'd just be a little friendlier, she would have more friends and be happier. Please, the only thing that would make me happy is to see how everyone else knew how I felt instead of everyone looking at me like I was a freak. But that's what I was. A freak. But that's what everyone wanted me to be, someone to be the opposite of the two perfect ones. The favorites. At school was the worst. They didn't even give me a mere smile, a wave, a nod, nothing hard to do, let alone even acknowledge my existence. At home it was different. They had to notice me—but only when the Professor made them. They were all the same. Every single one of them just like the "perfect couple," the ideal person—with the exception of their mutation. 

But _he_ was different. _He_ was the only one who knew where I was coming from. The only one who wasn't perfect, who had flaws, that was once lost and wasn't excepted. _He_ was like me. In fact, _he_ was the only reason I stayed there. _He_ was the only one who made me feel like I belonged. I know the Professor tried of course, but he wasn't one of them, he even was kind to my old family, Magneto and the Brotherhood, so the impact wasn't the same. But _he_ made me feel accepted. Never once was there a comment about my dark makeup or my studded jewelry or my bleak wardrobe. _He_ treated me like one of them. I know _he_ partly treated me that way because _he_ wanted me to stay because _he_ knew it was best for me, but I also know it was partly because _he_ needed me just as much as I needed _him_. We were different and we both knew it. 

School was hard for a freak like me. Not schoolwork, of course, that always came easy to me, but the looks I received, not only from the humans, but the mutants as well. They stung. The pain they caused me was unbelievable. I guess they thought I was that inhuman I didn't have feelings. That I didn't lock myself in my room each night, crying myself to sleep—sleep being the only refuge from the hatred that surrounded me. But I guess freaks don't have feelings. Avoidance was the thought of almost everyone at school when they saw me, but for Magneto's lackeys, it was revenge. They hated me for leaving, for becoming one of them. I guess I had at least fit in with them, but in my heart it didn't feel right with them. I knew I wasn't where I was supposed to be. 

When they approached me to join them, he had been chosen to approach me. Maybe even to them it was obvious I was attracted to him, or perhaps the Professor had read my mind. Which ever it was, I took the bate most willingly. His smile had been inviting, and promised a loving home where they would fight as a team. It sounded perfect—just like him. I accepted. Somehow I dreamt now that I had become one of them he'd forget his perfect girl and whisk me off my feet and find a way so we would be together. It had been five months since I had joined them, and I still held onto my disillusioned fantasy. To everyone else I'm sure it was painfully obvious that they were in love, that they were perfect for each other, destined to be together, but I still felt differently. And I know _he_ knew it. 

That's when _he_ began to do simple things to get my attention off of him. Whenever _he_ was in charge of training, whether it was outside or in the danger room, I was never paired off with him or her, most likely in fear I would try something to completely destroy the competition. _He_ usually put me with the elf, probably hoping I'd turn my affections another way, but of course I didn't. Knowing that I wasn't use to hanging out at the mall like she and her crew usually did, _he'd_ take me to pool halls, or occasionally a bar. _He_ knew I wasn't a stranger to alcohol or smoking for that matter. Sometimes we'd even spot some of my old "family" when we entered (of course leaving soon afterwards). The first few times I'd almost completely ignored him. I'd play some pool while having a beer or two, then leave, only exchanging words when we had to. Eventually, it evolved into just casual small talk, a bit uneasy at first, but time we were ready to leave, a little laughter had been shared between us. It was nice; I had finally made a friend, well, at least someone to hang out with. It became a ritual. Every Friday night, _he_ would stop at my room, lean against the doorframe and ask if I was busy and then take me to whatever poolhall, bar, or other less intriguing place we'd visit.

Then _he_ scared me one Tuesday afternoon. I opened my door to find _him_ sitting on my bed, waiting for me. I was shocked and of course my old defensive instincts resurfaced.

"You have no right being in my room without my permission! I thought you would respect my privacy. Get out."

"Relax, kid. I didn't come in here to sift through your stuff. I won't be here Friday, so can we do the Friday night thing tonight?" 

"Still, you shouldn't of been in here," my words had lost there power, and were mostly for show, but _he_ saw through it, "but yea, I'll go, but what about training in the danger room today?"

"Forget it. They'll figure it out when we're not there. Let's go."

I followed him of course—you'd be a fool not to do what _he_ said, but I felt some longing to stay. I had barely seen him all day and wanted to go to training to see him, but _he_ seemed intent on doing this, so I didn't protest. We boarded _his_ motorcycle and took off. It was quiet, but not much can be heard on the speeding motorcycle, anyway. As we approached Clancy's, I felt a churning in my stomach, wondering exactly why _he_ wasn't going to be there Friday. We liked Clancy's; they were kind to us, despite our mutant-like appearance. Unfortunately, some of our other hangout's we had been kicked out of due to my old "brothers." My nerves began to soar a bit when we drove past Clancy's.

"Umm, the turn was back there…."

"I know."

Then I knew something was up. I was worried. Why was I worried? I really couldn't tell. Maybe it was because I was afraid of losing the closest thing I had to a friend at the institute, and that I would once again be left alone. Or maybe I was afraid that wherever _he_ would be going it was dangerous, and that _he_ might not survive it. I shook my headed. I took care of myself, no one else. But still I couldn't shake the dread I felt at the thought of him being killed, without any back up from any of us.

Our path had turned more rural and on and upward slope. _He_ began to slow down the speed and eventually stopped at the top of hill, I was sure. I couldn't see much in front of me due to _his_ large size, but from the sides it was obviously the top of something high, so I stepped of the motorcycle and gasped. The view was incredible. The lights twinkled from the city almost like the stars had fallen from the now twighlight sky and had found a new home on earth. I had never seen anything so beautiful. My world had been filled with dreary and somber images, nothing as breathtaking as this. To get the entire beauty of the situation, I sat down underneath a tree to block some of the summer wind. It was nearing dark and I knew it would be getting cold soon. I felt _him_ studying my face and I turned to _him_ and smiled. A genuine smile, and _he_ knew it, which made _him_ smile in return.

"This is incredible."

"I knew you'd like. Pretty amazing, huh?"

"Yea, Ah can't even describe it."

"This is where I always go to think. I found it the first day the Professor brought me to the mansion. It's where I debated whether to become an X-Men. I don't think anyone knows about it. It's just so peaceful here, and it's so gorgeous looking at the city down there, so tiny compared to what it always seems like. I was afraid to ever show it to anyone before, afraid they'd take away the awe of it."

My mind raced. Why would he bring _me_ to a place so special to _him_? Maybe _he_ was leaving for good, and that's why _he_ showed it to me, because _he'd_ never be here. Or perhaps I'm leaving, so they asked _him_ to take me somewhere to tell me.

"So how come yah brought _me_ here?" Well, I always was the blunt one.

"You're the only one I could think of that would truly appreciate the beauty and tranquility of a place like this." I was speechless. No one had ever thought so much of me to share something so close to their heart with me. I could feel my cheeks burning from _his_ thoughtfulness. 

"You okay, kid?"

I guess I my mind was wandering and my cheeks became flushed again.

"Yea, as good as Ah'll ever be."

"Really kid, I'm worried about you. Are you really happy here? I mean, tell me what I can do to help you. You seem to be closing yourself off from everyone. Even Ororo and the Professor sometimes. Even me. We just want to help you."

__

He cared. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. No one cared about me. I was a freak. We didn't need thoughtfulness or to be taken care of or worried about. But _he_ did. _He_ cared. 

"Yah can't help me. No one can. No one understand what it's like to be me."

"Tell me. I want to help you. I don't want you to get hurt and turning back to Magneto and his crew."

"I wouldn't. They're all talk. They can't even touch me, so only their words can sting me, not their fists. They're afraid of me, just like everyone else. Why do yah care, anyway? Yah're just like them."

"No, I'm not. I'm not afraid of you. You're just like the rest of them. Just like me."

"Ah'm nothin' like them. None of yah have to walk down the hallway and get the looks from every single student, includin' the ones yah live with. None of yah know what it likes to force yahrself to sleep by cryin' so much because it drains all yahr energy. None of yah know what it's like to feel like yah're completely alone, even if the room is filled with people. Not one of yah knows what it's like to have yahr entire life filled only with hatred and contempt."

"I do."

"No, yah don't. Yah can't possibly understand what it feels like."

"Rogue, I'm just like you. For years, I've wandered around complete lost, alone. I didn't even have a childhood to look back on. I couldn't remember anything from my past. The only things I could remember were the repulsed looks I got from people. Those people who hated me, because they didn't understand me. But I couldn't even explain to them why I was the way I was. They turned from me, so I turned from them. And began to hate the world because they hated me. I hated them until the Professor took me under his wing. Gave me home and also introduced me to my first friend that I can remember. I eventually had to change myself. The Professor taught me how to forget the hatred I felt, and turn my aggression into something else. To help people like myself. People like you. I'm just like you. I was just as lost, just as hated, just as alone."

My tears had finally spilled over onto my cheeks. I turned my head from _him_; I couldn't bear to face _him_ so broken, so weak. I had never felt like this before. No one understood why I was the way I was. But _he_ did. _He_ was like me.

"But why do they hate people like us? They never even give yah a chance, just give yah that look, and turn away."

"I know. I can't explain it. That's just the way they are. But you have to show them who you are. That we're just the same, only some of us weren't blessed with a loving family, with people who were _always_ there for you. Not just there for you when it was convenient for them. But you need to show them that you're not hatred personified. You can have fun, you can be sad, you can be loved. It takes time, but I know you can do it."

"Then why does Scott, Jean, Kitty, and the rest of them hate me? All Ah ever wanted was a smile, a nod, nothin' too hard to handle. Just acknowledgment that Ah was there, they knew me, and wasn't ashamed. In the hallways at school they ignore, like Ah wasn't even a person."

"They're scared. How many times did _you_ try to wave at them? How many times did you try to talk to them? They're scared, just like you."

I was at a loss for words. How could I have been so stupid? I expected them to do all the work. Never once had I spoken a word to him and I expected Scott to be in love with me. It was July now. They were leaving for college next month and I had missed out on months of being their friend. If I had just trusted them, hadn't held myself back, things probably would have been different. They wouldn't be afraid to approach me, even look at me. I was a still a freak. But they were too. They were different like me, only they didn't hold back. They weren't afraid of other people. 

The dam of tears that had been pooling in my eyes slowly crept toward breaking. _He_ placed a hand on my back, obviously aware of my need to be touched when I was hurting, something so simple people were afraid to give me. I turned at _his_ touch, slowly realizing that is was ok to cry in front of _him_, someone I trusted.

"Logan, Ah…"

"Everything's gonna be alright, darlin'."

And I cried. Cried for my stupidity, cried for my lost friendships, and cried for all the times I should have cried before. He had wrapped his arms around me, in order to soothe my sobs. He was obviously uncomfortable at the physical contact, but it was a different discomfort than what I was use to. He wasn't afraid to touch me. I was shocked; no one had ever been so close to me, any possibility had been diminished once they had discovered my "gift." The thought of him pushing away his usual badass demeanor in order to make _me_ feel better, made me tighten my grip around him and the tears flowed heavier.

Once my tears had dried, and my breath returned to normal, I gave him one final squeeze and let go of his embrace.

"Thank yah, Ah'm just scared now." He gave me a look and I immediately responded. "Not about talkin' to them, or tryin' to become their friend, but about how they'll react, who can Ah go to for help?"

"I'll take care of you."

"Really? Yah promise?"

Three admantium claws popped out of his fist. "Scout's honor." I laughed. A real laugh, the first one I had probably ever had that wasn't out of spite, or revenge.

"Well, not to burst this, but why won't yah be here Friday?"

"Well, that's the other reason I brought you up here. I'm leaving Thursday night."

"What? Why?" He smiled.

"Take it easy, kid. It's not permanent." I could feel the tension that was once in my face leaving.

"Well, than where are yah goin'?" 

"The professor asked me to pick up the new students we will be taking on this year. One's down south, one's really close by to us, and the other one's further up north. Plus I'm going to be picking up a friend of the Professor who plans to help him with something he's planning. What it is, is beyond me. I'll be back in time to see Red and Kitty off to school." 

"Oh, so yah'll be gone for what, three weeks?"

"Well, not quite."

"What do yah mean…?"

"Well, I'll be home fer about a week, to make sure everything's running pretty smoothly with people coming and leaving, but then there's something I need to do up North, up in Canada. Something that might help _me_ become less afraid of people."

"What's up in Canada?"

"Hopefully some clues to my past."  
"How long are yah gonna be gone?"

"I don't know."

"Yah are comin' back right?"

"Of course, I'd be a hypocrite fer bringing you even near this place if I wasn't." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. After all this, finally realizing I needed to change, I needed to stop being afraid and try to reach them, he had helped me see all this. And now he was leaving me. Just like everyone else.

"Hey, what's wrong darlin'?" 

"Yah're leaving me." I could tell he was shocked, like the thought had never occurred to him. I liked getting looks like that.

"Of course not, don't even think that. Here." He handed me a silver chain that he had just taken from his neck. On it were two metal dog tags with the name 'Wolverine' imprinted on there with a number similar to what his social security number would be. They had obviously been worn with love for the lettering had been softened around the more harsh edges and it bore many scratches. The silver still shown brightly, but there was a tint to it, hinting that the age of the tags was getting up there.

"They're the only things I have left from my past. I'll be back fer them. I want you to take good care of them, just like this spot." I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. Finally, I knew I belonged, I knew that he was just like me, and we were just like the others, and I smiled. Nothing could stop me from grinning.

"You're going to be alright kid."


End file.
